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He's Cheating On You

Thursday, 19 August 2010 Leave a Comment

a road sign saying broken heart ahead

What do you do if your friend's boyfriend/husband is cheating on her?

This is an age old dilemma, and a situation that should be treated with delicacy and tact. Should you be completely honest and tell them everything you know? Or do you keep quiet and hope that she finds out on her own? Do you sit and pray that the cheater owns up and tells her himself? What is the right thing to do?

These are the kind of questions you will beat yourself up with if you're unlucky enough to find yourself in this situation. It's a gut wrenching feeling but there are a few options to consider:

Route A - Tell your friend as soon as you find out, honesty is the best policy

If you choose this route you're taking a big gamble with your friendship. Telling all might only make your friend resent you. You need to think very carefully before jumping to conclusions.

So you saw your friends beau sat across from a stunning blonde (stroking her hand) at the local restaurant, he must be dirty, a cheating scumbag right? ...Steady on Sherlock, just because he's having dinner with another woman does not mean he's going all Bill Clinton on her ass.

What you saw could be completely innocent, there's a chance it could be his sister/colleague/close friend. Perhaps he was comforting her through a crisis. OK so its not likely but before you go rushing off to tell the world, make sure you get your facts absolutely right. Nobody likes a tell tail, even less when what they tell you isn't true. My advice is tread carefully - you're walking a dangerously thin line between friend and frenemy.

Route B - Keep it to yourself

This is equally as painful. Sure it may seem like the easiest solution in the short term but that big hunk of a secret is going to eat away at you every time you see your friend. Maybe you think telling the truth only causes more hurt, after all what business have you getting involved in someone else's relationship? Well consider this, if the situation was reversed and it was your boyfriend who cheated, wouldn't you want to know?

Beware of keeping secrets from friends, all lies come out eventually, and if she finds out you knew all along, you can kiss your friendship goodbye. Your friend would never trust you again so isn't it better to get it off your chest? If she's a good enough friend she will not judge you and your friendship should stay strong, unfortunately though it doesn't always work this way.

Route C - Talk to the scumbag

The thought of having a face to face confrontation with the cheat may make you feel sick to your stomach but it might be the best option, especially if you are unsure what the situation is. This gives him the option to explain or defend his position. Try to keep an impartial view, hear him out fairly. He's less likely to offer up a confession if you go steaming in there like the Incredible Hulk.

If he confesses, offer him an ultimatum - either he tells her... or you do. Giving him the chance to own up is the fairest way to do it, but if he refuses then he isn't worth wasting oxygen on. He's a certified, banged to rights love rat and deserves every bit of comeuppance he gets. If this happens go straight to your friend and tell her in the nicest way possible that he is a cockroach and he doesn't deserve her. Then help her throw his stuff out the window and cut up his favourite shirt.

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  • Queen of the Rant said:  

    I think you have to tell her-its your duty and I would want them to tell me if the roles were reversed!

  • Alice X said:  

    I agree, although i would i think i would try to confront the boyfriend first to make sure, but i think i would have to tell them.

  • ramblingsofasingleton said:  

    Brilliant post. I'm doing a feature over on the Blog in a couple of weeks on cheating and affairs ... mind if I put up a link to this post? Or maybe you'd be interested in contributing?

  • Alice X said:  


    Yeah go ahead post a link! I'd be honored to help.

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