Alice Help! I Want Revenge
This is my first Ask Alice Anything advice post. It comes by request from a fellow blogger Miss Innocent over at Long Distance Love Affair. She recently posted this, please read before reading this post. Basically a girl has been emailing her boyfriend behind her back! Low blow. She even had the guts to send her boyfriend a half naked photograph of herself in nothing but her underwear. Classy huh. Anyway Miss Innocent has asked me for some advice on what she should do, so (gets her sensible hat on) here goes...
Dear Miss Innocent,
First of all I'm sorry that this has happened to you. I can't imagine what i would do in this situation. Well actually that's a half truth, i can imagine what I'd do, but actually doing it? Well that's a whole other ball game. When you feel betrayed by someone and rage consumes you, you are more likely to act without thinking, and quite frankly i can understand why you would want to shame this girl. I would too, it's a natural instinct to get revenge on someone who has hurt you, especially if that person is sending half naked pictures of herself to your man. However be very careful, remember that whatever vengeful things you do will reflect badly on yourself. Take some time to think things through, and take some time apart from your boyfriend. Just for a week or two until you can figure out how you really feel about it.
Revenge is a dish best served err... delayed, and that is very true, too often we rush into things before thinking carefully, and in the end we regret our actions. I have always been a firm believer in Karma - what goes around does eventually come around. Trust me the day will come when something like this happens to her. She will get her comeuppance, so why waste your valuable time when nature will take care of it for you.
From the perspective of a sensible advisor i would say take it as gracefully as you can, don't stoop to her level. Simply say to yourself, "I'm better than that, better than her and i don't need to prove it." However from the perspective of someone who has been in a relationship for over seven years, I'd make him pay, and as I'm not big on bitching behind people's backs (I'm more of say it to your face, brutally honest kind of girl) i would call her directly and warn her to back off!!! In fact i'd probably think about plastering that photo all over the town she lived in, but that's just vindictive.
With regards to why she has done this, well she sounds unhappy. Think about it, would someone who was happily married send photographs of herself to other men? The answer is no, so perhaps instead of hating her, focus on pitying her. She may be jealous of the relationship you and your boyfriend have.
I think you should direct your efforts towards your boyfriend, and why he felt the need to continue emailing this girl? If there was any encouragement on his part, then it's him you should be more mad at. Sit down and have a real talk about your relationship, don't mention the girl straight away. Simply ask him how he feels about the relationship and if he is happy with you. You will get far more out of this talk than you would by screaming and ranting about another women. I know it's hard to focus on anything else but make sure you realise who is more important, the girl or your boyfriend? Once you have a better understanding of each others feelings, you won't be as angry at her.
Take some time to think and some space to breathe, even though you can't see the solution now, things have a habit of working themselves out on their own. If she sends another photo of herself to your man, well then you have my blessing to bad mouth her from here to kindom come, she deserves it. Above all remember this... all relationships have their problems it's how we deal with them that defines us.
I sincerely hope things work out for you both.
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