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The Man Translator: What He Really Means

Sunday, 31 October 2010 Leave a Comment

Image Source by Ed Yourdon

Understanding men is like trying to understand algebra, useless and pointless. They think in totally different way to us women. Well help is here ladies in the form of my Man Translator! Below are some common phrases often uttered by the male species, and what he really means when he says "I love you" on the second date...

Man: "Yes i am listening."
Translation: I haven't heard a word you just said, but I'm going to bluff my way through by nodding and grunting.

Man: "Your being unreasonable."
Translation: Why are you acting like a crazy person?

Man: "I'm not like other guys."
Translation: I am exactly like other guys.

Man: "I love you."
Translation: My penis loves you.

Man: "I won't come home drunk, I'm only having a couple beers."
Translation: I'll be home at 2:00am, trip over the cat and pee in the plant pot because i can't make it to the toilet.

Man: "I'm not ready for a long term relationship."
Translation: I'm a commitment phobe who wants a booty call.

Man: "I know exactly where we are."
Translation: We're lost.

Man: "Its only a scratch."
Translation: ARGHHHHHH my f****** arm is falling off.

Man: "I'm dying."
Translation: I have a cold.

Man: "Its a guy thing."
Translation: No women allowed.

Man: "Tell me more about your friend Tom."
Translation: Have you slept with Tom?

Man: "I only have eyes for you."
Translation: I check out other women, but only when you're not looking.

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  • Denise said:  

    The "I'm dying" = "I have a cold" one is particularly hilarious and accurate.

    Same with the “I'm not like other guys”...

    I think girls who say, "I'm not like other girls," just means “I don't want to admit that I'm exactly like other girls because if I did I'd have to come to terms with myself and the fact that I am flawed”.

    Maybe you should do a “what girls really mean”, but then you'd have to know what we really mean, and we don't even know what we're trying to say half the time... so maybe not. :)

  • Alice X said:  

    @Denise I was planning to do a woman's version too, but like you said we don't even know what we mean! I think i'll give it a go anyways.

    "I'm not like other girls," just means “I don't want to admit that I'm exactly like other girls because if I did I'd have to come to terms with myself and the fact that I am flawed”. - So true i might include this one with a linky to you of course (if you don't mind)

  • Lizzie said:  

    I need a translator for really long guy problems like "we used to date and now we're friends but I'd kind of like to start sleeping with you again so I want to test those waters." Men are so ridiculously difficult.

  • Heather said:  

    Hahahaha "I'm dying" is definitely accurate. I work in a room full of men since I'm an engineer, and some kind of little cold has been going around. It's like everyone in here is on the verge of death because their throat is a little scratchy.

  • MissEmy said:  

    Man: "Your being unreasonable."
    Translation: Why are you acting like a crazy person?

    LOL!! Women put guys through a lot a lot a lot. But guys do the same!

  • Mademoiselle Hautemess said:  

    Man: "I'm not ready for a long term relationship."
    Translation: I'm a commitment phobe who wants a booty call.

    Story of my life, sister! Story of my life!

  • "M" said:  

    I would like to add that "I'm not ready for a long-term relationship" can also mean: "I'm not ready for a long-term relationship unless the right girl comes along, and you aren't her."

  • Leah said:  

    These are great and so accurate! I found your blog through a friend and i am so glad i did! This is such a fun blog! : )

  • Alice X said:  

    @Lizzie Well you can always ask for my unorthdox and utterly unqualified advice in my Ask Alice section :)

    @Heather Wow you must get really sick of spending that much time around testosterone filled men!

    @MissEmy Your right it does work both ways, we drive them crazy too sometimes.

    @Mademoiselle Hautemess hahaha you crack me up! It's such a pity men love with their errr... penis.

    @Mademoiselle Deva Thanks! Glad i made you laugh :)

    @"M" That's an very true translation!

    @Leah Aww thanks so much, i'm really happy that yu like my blog. I'll be stopping by yours for a read.

  • Anna said:  

    I'm dying - yes! And then refuses to go to the doctor because he too knows it's just a cold, but maybe we could bring pizza in bed anyway...

  • Alice X said:  

    @Anna haha yeah that's men for you!

  • EmDottie said:  

    You pretty much hit them all on the head.

    Oh wait:

    "I'm sorry," really means "Are we done arguing? Can we have sex now?"

  • Alice X said:  

    @EmDottie Thanks, ahaha yes you are totally right!

  • Elle said:  

    Hahahaaaaa I love this! The last one is gold!

  • Pedro Cardoso said:  

    Oh yeah? If you're so clever, do tell me:

    what does a guy really mean when he says that he's just like any other guy, in the sense that his penis truly loves you?

    I bet that would throw you off balance. Or him, after you'd slapped him for excessive honesty.

  • Alice X said:  

    @Elle Thank you :)

    @Pedro Lol well honesty is the best policy (sometimes)!

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