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Men Without Manners

Monday, 29 November 2010 11 comments

Teenage Boy Crouches in an Alley With his Hood up Smoking a Cigarette

What is it about today's generation and manners? Young men have forgotten how to behave in public, burping, spitting and swearing like a bunch of fowl mouthed heathen cavemen.

It's as if they don't know how to control themselves anymore, all civilised gentlemanly behaviour has been annihilated by these yobs who think that they get some kind of cool street cred badge by conversing in only swear words. I mean come you're about as cool as Jimmy Savile, and don't even get me started on your lack of proper English...

"U ain't cool m8, i is coola than u is, innit bruv." 

Yeah right OK, speak to me when your mental age has caught up to your shoe size.

"And did you honestly just spit your internal gunge on the floor next to me? That really makes you look attractive, like anybody wants to see the contents of your filthy lung passage, control your bodily functions you half-wit. While you're at it when your talking with your "crew" does every other word have to be some kind of smutty profanity you picked up off some second rate gangsta rap album? You're not 50 Cent so drop the act. Walking around like some untrained zoo animal on a day pass. I don't want to be forced to smell, hear, or see anything escaping from your cesspit of a carcass, just keep your orifices closed please."

I realise i sound like my Gran right now, but to hell with it, my Gran's a wise lady and these young lads are the men of the future and quite honestly if that's how its going to be we might as well all turn lesbian.

Whatever happened to the days when men would say "Watch your mouth Buddy, there's ladies present?" I say we transport these ill mannered male miscreants back to the fifties and let's see how long they last.

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Paul Newman: No Man Can Eat 50 Eggs

Friday, 26 November 2010 5 comments

Image Credit: x-ray delta one  Image Source

They don't make 'em like this anymore. The epitome of cool, this blond haired blue eyed screen star was a supreme example of male sex appeal.

This guy eat 50 eggs on screen and still didn't turn me off. No mean feat when you consider the fact that I'm firmly anti-eggs, (something about eating chicken embryos just makes me wanna puke).

Anyways Newman, i hereby salute you for making those old movies a hell of a lot sexier.

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The Woman Translator: What She Really Means

Wednesday, 24 November 2010 7 comments

Confused? Join the club, we don't even know what we mean half the time.

This one is for all those clueless males out there, the ones who just can't seem to decode our lady language. We woman folk are cryptic creatures who love nothing more than to baffle you with our double meanings, and silent fury. Fear not chaps here's some helpful hints to help you learn how to speak Woman.

Woman: "Nothing's wrong."
Translation: "You p****d me off and I'm going to freeze you out until you realise you're an insensitive beast."

Woman: "I shouldn't have to tell you. You know what you did wrong."
Translation: "I can't believe you did that, oh yeah and i got you a new bed... it's called the sofa."

Woman: "Is she prettier than me?"
Translation: "For the love of God man, just say no!!!"

Woman: "I'll just have a salad."
Translation: "I'm trying to be ladylike but guard your french fries like it's World War III, because I'm on it like Sonic when your not looking."

Woman: "I'll be down in a minute."
Translation: "I'll be down in an hour and then complain that you rushed me."

Woman: "Maybe.."
Translation: "No, nope, no way."

Woman: "I'm tired."
Translation: "I am actually tired, so stop attempting to grope me, they're attached you know."

Woman: "I don't mind, which one do you like?"
Translation: "Pick the one i like or face the wrath."

Woman: "No i don't need help."
Translation: "Yes i do need help but I'm damned if I'm going to let you know that."

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England loses it's Will

Saturday, 20 November 2010 4 comments

Britain's Prince William (L) and his girlfriend Kate Middleton are seen attending the Six Nations international rugby union match against Italy in London in this February 10, 2007 file photograph. Britain's Prince William is to marry his long-term girlfriend Kate Middleton next year, Buckingham Palace said on November 16, 2010.    REUTERS/Eddie Keogh/Files (BRITAIN - Tags: SOCIETY ROYALS SPORT RUGBY)

'Tis a sad week for the woman of England. Our most eligible bachelor has been taken off the market for good. What Will we do?

This week came the announcement no girl wanted to hear, yes Prince William got engaged to Kate Middleton. Most were delighted at the news. Me? Not so much, now all we have left is Prince Harry (the ginger one who dressed up as a Nazi), yep... fantastic!

OK so he isn't that bad looking, but he's no Prince Will that's for sure.

I'm thinking about doing a graduate moment... "Don't do it William!"

...Not stalkerish in the slightest.

In all seriousness though, congratulations to Kate who is now living my the dream of becoming a Princess.


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Britain is a Slut

Sunday, 14 November 2010 9 comments

Man with Lipstick Kiss on Stomach

We are a nation of tea drinking, stiff upper lippers who once claimed stake to an Empire that spanned almost a third of the globe. Now we have a new accolade to be proud of, a badge of pride that we can show off at dinner parties and unleash on unsuspecting foreigners.

Yep Britain is a slut, and not just your average floozy, oh no. If there's one thing us Brits go by, it's not doing things in half measures. If there's going to be a prize for being a ho, we'll make sure to go all out and become the best damn hussy's that ever lived.

According to this survey by a guy called Schmitt, Britain is the Top western country for promiscuity.


*OECD countries with populations over 10m Source: David Schmitt, Bradley University

So there you have it, us straight talking, emotionally retarded UK dwellers have beaten off the likes of kinky Germany and frisky France to earn our respected place as the Kings and Queens of the one night stand. I would personally like to thank the men and women of Essex for contributing so selflessly to this cause, without whom we may never have achieved such an honour. Thank you.

I'm so proud to be British  :)

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IDGAF Blog Award

Thursday, 11 November 2010 5 comments

Possibly the best award i have ever received. The prestigious IDGAF award! Yeah i say what's on my mind, what you don't like it? Well IDGAF, well maybe IGALittleF, but hey I'm only human. 

Thanks so much to the awesomeness that is the one and only, TOAR. I wish i could dedicate this back to you TOAR but i won't since you already have it.

On to the Winners, yes, the people who's blogs i read and think, "i think that too, but i was afraid to say it." These girls have balls and they aren't afraid to swing 'em. I dedicate the IDGAF award to you...

Awkward Sex And The City - Just read her blog and you will know why i picked her.
Red Means Go - Hilarious and very popular blog that i have recently fell in love with reading.
This One Time On Match.com - The girl who dates and has plenty of hilarious stories to share.
Carry Bradshaw is full of Sh*t - Because seriously, she is funny, honest, and her blog is addictive.

...and for anyone else who DGAF, take this award and spread the wealth people!

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It's Not A Date, It's An Interview.

Wednesday, 10 November 2010 10 comments

Couple having romantic meal

Once a woman reaches a certain age it's no longer a case of simply dating and having fun. Oh no, it becomes like a second job. We're on a mission to find "The One," and by the one we mean that he checks most, if not all of the boxes in our mental list of man traits.

Yes these days first dates have turned into interviews, where the poor guy gets grilled about everything from what he does for a living to what kind of toothpaste he uses.

Date Interview Scenario 1

Woman: Do you drive?
Man: Sure do.

Women: What car?
Man: Daewoo.

Woman: Hmmm, so do you live nearby?
Man: Yeah my parents house is just up the street.

Woman: Cheque please!

Date Interview Scenario 2

Man: So tell me about yourself.
Woman: I like long walks, roller coasters, and Ben and Jerry's. What do you you do for living?

Man: I'm a boner.
Woman: Excuse me, what?

Man: I de-bone chicken for human consumption.
Woman: Okaaay then.

Date Interview Scenario 3

Woman: What made you try Internet dating?
Man: Well when me and my Wife separated...

Women: So you just got divorced? That's terrible.
Man: Well it's not official yet, but we are separated.

Awkward silence

Woman: It was nice meeting you.

Yes it sounds harsh, and maybe it's not this brutal, but we do seem to be ultra picky these days. Dating has become strictly business, no messing about, just straight to the point. Is it just that our standards have gotten higher?

It leaves me asking, do we over analyse? Should we give men a break? Are we too picky or just being practical? What do you think? Should we cut 'em some slack?

Afterthought: If only dating were this simple...

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Wentworth Miller Jailed!

Monday, 8 November 2010 4 comments

Image Credit: alacoolk  Image Source

Wentworth Miller, i am arresting you on suspicion of being too sexy for your shirt, you do not have to wear anything, but anything you do wear will be taken away from you.

It's just criminal to have a face that fine.

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Help Me Choose My Blog Design!

Friday, 5 November 2010 8 comments

Dear Fellow Bloggers,

                                    I need your help. Over the past week i have been slaving away trying to redesign my blog layout. The design i have now is just getting messy, it's hard to line things up, awkward to add new widgets, the navigation bar sucks and it's really slow loading. In a nutshell, it's driving me insane. So i went on a hunt for a perfectly organised, cleaner and easy template. It took me days but i managed to find one that would require only minor coding adjustments to suit my blog. Anyways after a week fiddling around with html, css and other robot languages i have finally got it to a stage i like. 

                                   But here's the dilemma... It is so different to the current template that I'm terrified to change it in case you, my readers, hate it! So I'm asking for your opinion, i personally prefer the new one but let me know what you think by commenting.

The new blog design is now live, so sorry for those who can't compare it to the old one. However i feel this one works much better, if you have any suggestions, problems or comments to do with the new layout please leave a comment.

Yours Sincerely
The crazy girl who blogs about men.

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