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Men and Motors - I Have Road Rage

Monday, 28 February 2011 Leave a Comment

This post is for all those guys out there who think that they’re the God's gift of drivers...

Photo credit: click from morguefile.com

I hate you Mr. White Van Man; driving like a maniac, speeding around in your free company van. You, white van man, have nearly crashed into me on many an occasion and I swear, if you don't slow the hell down I'm going to follow you in my little Noddy car and ram it straight up your rear bumper, got it?

Photo credit: M42 from morguefile.com

I hate you Mr. 4x4 Guy; thinking you can take up the entire road because you own a car the size of a tank. Thinking you can barge me into a hedge because you have a wide load! You think you're so special, with your off road tyres and fancy shmancy mud guard. Just get off the road idiot! We all know your car is only that big to make up for your small penis.

Photo credit: mgeyer from morguefile.com

I hate you Mr. Flashy Flash Pants in your snazzy sports-mobile. Just get a normal car, one that you can actually get 10miles out of before it decides it's thirsty again. Unless you have a racetrack in your back yard, (which I highly doubt) you will never be able to get your car past the 70mph limit legally, so give it a rest already!

Photo credit: alvimann from morguefile.com

I hate you local gentlemen’s cycling club and all your members who decide that rush hour is the perfect time for a mini Tour-de-England. Taking up the entire road. Bums sticking out, wagging from side to side in your tight Lycra shorts... OK, OK you're not that bad, but seriously, I've heard Sundays are quiet on the roads.

Photo credit: click from morguefile.com

I hate you Mr. Motorcycle. Born to be wild, horn tooting metal straddler. Yeah you know why? I'm stuck here in this traffic for two hours and you just zoom straight past me, weaving your way to the front like a queue jumping rocket man. Yes this hatred for you is mostly jealousy. Deal with it!

Photo credit: click from morguefile.com

I hate you Mr. Bus Driver, who has to stop at every freaking bust stop you see and then sit there for longer than needed double checking your schedule, ticket machine or whatever else it is you bus men do. And don’t even get me started on the fact that you somehow think it appropriate to stop in the middle of a busy road, hold up traffic, and annoy the life out of me, all because you and your fellow bus driver friend want to chat through the window. I hate you.

Photo credit: caprisco from morguefile.com

Last but not least. I hate you Mr. Go Fast Stripes; barely 17 and your racing round like Colin McCrea in your clapped out Corsa. Blasting rubbish dance music and paying more attention to your mates in the back, than the road in front. Just go. Anywhere but near me, you Buffoon. You’re not big, you’re not clever and you'll end up wrapped around a lamppost if you don't drive responsibly.

Rant over... I feel so much better now.

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  • Jewels said:  

    haha exactly which men in which cars do you like? hehehe.

  • Rach said:  

    Oh man, i know, a guy.. some business corporate types hits my sidelight.. and when i walk out of my car towards him.. he was like.. "hey baby girl, show me your licence.." Fuck those bastards. I know it's a cliche that women cant drive but sometimes this penis bearing women too can't drive..!!!

    Bitchzilla on The loose.

  • Lynn | TOAR said:  

    Lmao! I love this. But I cannot say that I am totally on your side because I own a huge truck and I drive that bitch like I own the Road. I will cut your ass off. Buses and the male cycling club pisses me off lol. Oh you know who else? SEGWAY RIDERS! Those fuckers are just as bad.

  • ♥ Yaya said:  

    Totally agree! I do wanna know what drivers you approve of? LOL

  • Alice X said:  

    @Jewels As long as they have respect for others i suppose it doesn't matter, i realise i stereotyped in this post but the rage took over.

    @Rach Urgh he sounds like an utter ass!

    @Lynn It's time to downsize TOAR haha

    @Yaya I like boring, sensible drivers in modest cars. Boring they may be but if they don't endanger my life they get the thumbs up from me.

  • Thank, Q said:  

    Oh, the cyclists love to ride in the middle of the street when it's busiest! I'm all for getting exercise and enjoying the day, but you're not a car! If you don't have bumpers on your vehicle and move out of my way! LOL! Nice post!

  • Lizzie said:  

    The bicyclists KILL ME. And Portland has a shit ton of them.

  • EmDottie said:  


  • Alice X said:  

    @Thank Q No bumpers, no road. I like it!

    @Lizzie I feel for you :( They are annoying as hell.

    @EmDottie :)

  • btchonheels said:  

    I agree! I would like to add the entire state of Rhode Island to that list, gah! Case and point, some moron decided to just stop on the highway...I think he was looking for his phone. What the hell is wrong with people?!!

  • Barsola said:  

    Hilarious! I totally agree. Your blog made me smile and laugh. I like that; I like that a lot.


  • Alice X said:  

    @btchonheels Some people are just idiots when in charge of a vehicle.

    @Barsola Thank you, thanks for stopping by :)

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