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Gaston, He's Roughly The Size of a Barge

Tuesday, 31 May 2011 8 comments

Gaston - walt-disney-characters
Image source

Bonjour my pretties. Today i bring you the one and only Gaston, the most manly fictional character to ever stomp onto Disney's screen. He's what i like to call, a true man beast. Pure unfiltered male with a jaw so big, it could plough through snow!

Sure he is ignorant, rude, conceited and uses antlers in all of his decorating but that's what makes him charismatic. With Gaston, what you see is what you get. He's like five men packed into one huge, hairy shell; plus you could crack walnuts on that bum chin of his. You never can tell, maybe deep down he's a swell guy? Who knows? One thing's for sure, Beauty and the Beast wouldn't have been the same without him.

Everybody sing now:

"No one's slick as Gaston. No one's quick as Gaston. No one's neck's as incredibly thick as Gaston's. As a specimen yes he's intimidating... My what a guy, that Gaston!"

Let's raise our french sticks to Gaston, one of few men whose muscles are larger than his head.

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Did a famous actor really just retweet my blog post?

Sunday, 29 May 2011 14 comments

OK, so something fun happened on twitter today and i thought i would tell you all about it. I was happily tweeting away when all of a sudden a certain buzz started happening, Alex Pettyfer (or more likely, someone pretending to be Alex Pettyfer), one of the hottest actors ever, was on twitter retweeting people's tweets.

Me being a huge fan and actually having written a post about him in my Hollywood Hunks section "Alex Pettyfer You stud muffin you," I decided to try my luck and ask him (or the impostor) to retweet the post...

Yep there it is! Me offering to kiss a mythical beast in return for a retweet. Classy!

But what happened next was such a momentous moment that i let out a little squeal of joy at the mere sight of it...

Look! Can you see? At the bottom there ^? He retweeted my post! Here's some more evidence...

Now that I've been retweeted by the super famous you might want to follow me on twitter @Alice_X0 :P

I realise this is probably NOT the real Alex Pettyfer, either way don't burst my bubble. Real or not I'm still getting traffic from it! Plus it makes for an interesting, all be it slightly random post.

Imposter or not, a deal's a deal so here is me kissing a unicorn...

The End

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Blog Love. Come Get Your Awards!

Saturday, 28 May 2011 13 comments

This has been a long time coming. I was given these accolades a while back but I've been too damn lazy to actually post them. So here goes...

This first lovely award was given to me by Shannon at the utterly hilarious - and when i say hilarious, i really mean absolutely, positively, laugh out loud until your stomach gets a six pack - blog http://shanimalscrackers.blogspot.com/ Thanks lady, you rock! Go pay her a visit because if you like cool Grannies and funny animals then you will get a hoot out of reading her posts.

This second award was stolen, well kind of stolen (she did say i could have it) from Bitchzilla, that's right don't mess with this feisty teen blogger! Her awesome angsty posts and random rants are brilliant. She really doesn't give a piss! I love it.

Thirdly a special mention to Colorful Rants of a Fed up Sista who kindly pimped out my blog on her featured page a while back. This girl is fearless and funny, the best combination a blogger can have. Thanks girl!

I am passing the first two awards onto these fabulous peeps (just pick the award that applies to you most):

Colorful Rants of a Fed up Sista
Sex and the Shitty
ThankQ for Common Sense
Jewels Turning 30
My own private Idaho
KitKat's Tales
Absolutely Narcissism
Drake's Doomsday Corner

My fingers are now tired of linking and there's still loads of other great blogs i follow, so if you are reading this and not one of the linked above, take whichever award you want, seriously. I mean it guys, copy and paste that award now, I'm giving it to you. Don't you dare leave without one!

Mucho love
Alice X

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ELVIS LIVES!!! (Inside Every Middle Aged Man)

Sunday, 22 May 2011 11 comments

Image source Image by: publicenergy

Why is it that when men reach a certain age they all turn into Elvis? Not hot, young, hip swiveling Elvis, but middle aged, sweaty browed, rhinestoned jumpsuit Elvis? Seeing a middle aged man dressed as Elvis disturbs me to the core and what's even scarier, is when that one middle aged Elvis man has 5 other friends also dressed as Elvis. This scares me, no, i mean it really scares me; i liken it to seeing a group of aging clowns all quivering their lips and thrusting their hips in my direction.

Image source Image by:Frankly Richmond

What is the fascination with Elvis Presley costumes? Why not dress as Jailhouse rock Elvis? Or Military days Elvis? Why? Why? Why? Please someone enlighten me because the rhinestone Vegas era was certainly not the best of his career; he wasn't looking all that hip anymore. Is it because the middle aged pot belly can feel comforted in that cheap Lycra jump suit?

Say you decide to throw a fancy dress party and invite all the neighbours, i guarantee that at least one man will always turn up dressed as Elvis, and i also guarantee that at one point during this fancy dress soiree he will either:
a) hip thrust and "ugh huh huh" at any given opportunity, or 
b) stumble through a bad karaoke rendition of Suspicious Minds. 

*Sigh* I suppose after 5 Vodka shots and a keg full of beer the aforementioned Elvis Presley impersonator might actually start to look like an authentic Vegas Elvis.

So you heard it hear first, proof that Elvis Presley ain't dead and is in fact alive and kicking, he's your neighbours husband, your drunk uncle and your best friends brother, take a long hard look at your boyfriend, in 5 years he'll be parading around in a cape and wig like an overweight super hero.

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Vajazzling Your Vajayjay

Sunday, 15 May 2011 10 comments

Photo credit: clarita from morguefile.com

A new craze is sweeping the beauty industry and to be quite honest it kind of creeps me out. It's called vajazzling. It's basically bedazzling your lady garden with tiny crystals.

Even Jennifer Love Hewitt admits she has been vajazzled on Lopez tonight....

Call me strange but the whole concept kind of freaks me out, i mean vaginas were never meant to sparkle. Call me strange but I don't want my vajayjay to look like a bad craft project.

What do you guys think of the vajazzle?

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Why Men Cheat

Sunday, 8 May 2011 16 comments

Photo credit: clarita from morguefile.com

If variety is the spice of life then is it possible for human beings to be completely satisfied in monogamous relationships?

There are many possible reasons that men would cheat. Some men find it particularly difficult to refrain from cheating and often seek sexual gratification elsewhere, but why? Why do guys cheat on their wife/girlfriend?

It's in his jeans genes
It is argued that men are genetically programmed to reproduce and spread their seed as far as possible and find it more difficult than women to sustain a long-term monogamous relationship.

It's like watching paint dry
Men who aren't sexually satisfied will often stray. Perhaps they are looking for a more sexually adventurous partner, or maybe they have a desire to try something new and are too embarrassed to ask their partner. Whatever the reason it boils down to one thing, boredom. Men get bored of routines and if things are getting repetitive they may look for ways to spice things up.

His little black book
The most selfish reason why men cheat is to boost their ego. Some men like to show off their sexual conquests and want to feel like they can have any woman they want. These men view their sexual encounters as conquests, just another notch on the bedpost and something they can brag to their friends about. Finding that women still find them sexually attractive boosts their ego as well as their reputation among their friends.

Revenge is best served calculated
It’s not just men who cheat, some women cheat too and if a man finds out that his partner cheated on him, he may feel that the only way to get revenge is to do the same to her. Men who find themselves in this situation think that by cheating on their girlfriend they will even the score.

Every dog has his day
Some men find cheating exciting and thrilling. They like the challenge of the chase and the thrill of getting what they want. Often they enjoy the secrecy and the sneaking around as it adds to the excitement.

We argue all the time
If he's not getting it at home sooner or later he's going to look for it elsewhere. Being unhappy, unfulfilled or in a turbulent relationship can lead men to cheat. These men see cheating as a temporary escape from their unhappy relationship.

When opportunity knocks
Ever wondered why powerful, rich and famous men feel the need to cheat? The rich and famous have everything they could ever want, money, success, fame and plenty of women willing to throw themselves at them. If something is constantly being offered to you, sooner or later you are going to take it. Men in the public eye find plenty of opportunities to cheat and they find it hard to resist temptation.

Cheating in statistics...
Some pretty interesting cheating facts shown below, especially the part about the ministers, Holy smokes!

Via: OnlineSchools.org

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A Right Royal Ruckus

Wednesday, 4 May 2011 5 comments

Image Source by it's a foot!

An estimated 2billion people worldwide tuned in to watch the Royal wedding of Prince William and Kate Middleton... and i was one of them. I watched as Kate Middleton stepped out of the car at Westminster Abbey, wearing a beautiful Alexander McQueen wedding dress; i watched as William Arthur Philip Louis (yes that's his real name) struggled to push the ring onto Kate's finger; i watched as they delighted crowds of well wishers at Buckingham Palace with not one, but two kisses and i watched as they drove away in a blue Aston Martin appropriately decorated with wedding balloons. But what made this Royal wedding worth watching was not the dress, the crowd, or even the prince, nope; it was Kate, a non Royal, non dignitary, go from regular to regal and marry into one of the most historical families this world has to offer. And boy did she do it with grace and poise, she was a true Cinderella, minus the rags and the glass slippers.

Congratulations Kate & William

Yes go on lap it up, there's no cynicism or sarcasm in this post. It's not often you will see us Brits celebrate such mushy nonsense, so enjoy it while you can.

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