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Guy's opinion: How to tell if a guy is just using you?

Thursday, 12 January 2012 Leave a Comment

How To Know If a Guy Is Just Using You
Photo credit: elvissa from flickr.com

It's an honor to be writing a guest post here at Guys, Boys & Men. I would like to thank Alice X for allowing me to share some great information with you here on this fine blog of hers.

A lot of you ladies may have a guy that you would really like to go out with, but no matter what you do, you can't figure him out. His thoughts are always contradicting his actions.

So how do you know if a guy is just using you?

Below, I am going to share text conversation that I had with one of my friends. Read through the texts, and see if your guy has any similarities to the guy described in the texts below.

After you read through the texts, be sure to checkout the key points below them to see if your guy is showing you any red flags!

Me: Are you caught up on an ex?
Girl: Well, not really an ex. I had a thing with a guy and tried really hard to be his girlfriend and to make a long story short, it has not worked. I hadn't seen him for a long time until last night and I don't know... He acts one way, but says another. It's just confusing. The whole time I keep wondering why I am not good enough, you know?
Me: You are good enough. I am a good judge of character. If he can't see that, be with someone who actually will. As for him acting one way and saying something that contradicts how he acts, I am guessing that he is cool with the physical hugs, kisses, etc, but not with the emotional stuff. He does not want a relationship, but he likes to cuddle and kiss. I may be way off, but in general, that sums up a lot of guys our age.
Girl: Yeah. He says he likes me and he cares, but he doesn't know if he wants to be in a relationship. I don't know what it is. I just need a guy that will appreciate me.
Me: For sure. So you can just go with the flow on this guy, forget about him, or tell him exactly what you are telling me. In my experience, not knowing is the worst. You're an attractive girl and he needs to realise that you have other options... Also known as guys that will actually be straight with you and treat you right.
Girl: Well, thanks. That makes me feel a lot better because I wasn't sure if I should try harder, or if I did something wrong.
Me: Well, I am not there so I don't know the full story, but if he knows you like him, he probably just does not want to commit to anything. Does he just want to chill with you randomly, and at late hours?
Girl: Well, yeah. He would come over and hang out with me, and he would stay the night, but I only see him once a week. Sometimes he says he will come over, and then he never shows up.
Me: Have you seen the movie White Chicks?
Girl: Yes. Why?
Me: OK. Remember that one dude, Keith, I think? He would want to chill with that blonde whenever it was convenient for him. Finally, she told him that she was not his doormat. This guy just wants you whenever he feels like having you... That's what it sounds like. You deserve better. He is not worth your time.
Girl: Awww! Well, I am glad you think so. That is really sweet! Thanks. :)
Me: No problem. :)

Red Flags to Lookout For!
  • If a guy wants to be with you, he will usually tell you. It's too hard to keep things like wanting to be with you all bottled up. Eventually, he will tell you.
  • If a guy wants to chill with you whenever it is convenient for him, especially during late hours, there's a good chance that if you're giving him satisfaction, then he is simply using you for that, and that only.
  • If a guy contradicts himself by showing physical interest, but ignoring the possibility at being in a relationship with you, then he is definitely using you.
Taylor Thompson owns a blog that teaches people how to build muscle at home. Be sure to checkout it out if you are interested in learning more.

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23 comments »

  • Lost.in.Idaho said:  

    Every woman needs to know who Tom Leykis is, and what 'Leykis 101' means.

    Tom teaches men how to get what they want from women without giving much in return. Women need to read up on this guy, and look for telling-signs with their man.

    If every time he hangs with you, he wants something (sex, favors, etc) he's using you. Especially if time together is infrequent.

    Want to know if a guy is REALLY into you? If he's willing to do nothing with you, and do it all day. Hanging out, talking, tv, walking, etc. No agenda, no end result.

  • Neurotic Workaholic said:  

    Like Taylor was saying, not knowing is definitely tough. Then you might come up with a bunch of different scenarios in your mind, not knowing which one is the right one. Or you might stick to one scenario, particularly the one you want to believe in, and that might lead you to make the wrong decisions.

  • melissa said:  

    When I was a teen I KNEW when a guy was using me. It was pretty easy to tell. I was just so afraid of being alone that I didn't care at the time.

  • Thank, Q said:  

    This is good stuff. A lot of ladies need this type of info because some of then tend to fall into the same traps each time. A guy will tell you verbally or with his bodily language if he's interested in you. If a guy shows you who he is, believe him.

  • Vapid Vixen said:  

    Excellent reminders. And I agree with Lost In Idaho. If he's cool with hanging all day and not doing a damn thing, he digs you.

  • Taylor said:  

    Hey. I am glad you guys liked my article. :) I was originally going to post something different, but I was talking to one of my friends, and this conversation came up. I would like to thank Alice again for letting me post this on her blog. :)

  • Anonymous said:  

    Umm im in a relationship right now but his ex is still in love with him and he acts like he is not still in love with her but i dont know anymore...

  • Anonymous said:  

    This has happened to me before

  • Kenzie said:  

    This is great.. I've dated a guy on and off for a year, he does the same stuff over and over. and i know he uses me, but i find myself always come running back to him. Last night.. he promised he would never hurt me, that he wants to be with me. But tonight he ingores me.. what is up with that? My friends hate him but idk.. idk how i feel.

  • Anonymous said:  

    I was in a relationship for three months with a guy who said he was done with his ex. We were very happy together, then out of the blues he decided they are trying to get back together, so he dumped me! He calls me sometimes and seems very upfront and honest, but I'm sick of waiting around and feeling like there's hope! I believe until a person us fully over the ex, they won't be able to focus on another relationship! It's too bad people would not be respectful of others feelings when playing with another persons heart!!!

  • Anonymous said:  

    im in a relationship now . for about 3 weeks now its been . we have already had sex 3 times . and at first when we statrted going out we used to always text each other . and now he barely texts me as much or takes forever to text back .And havent seen him for little over a week . he has work 5 days a week and the days hes off something always happens and i cant see him . it got me suspisous . and he said he really liked me and everything . i just dont know what to do . any advice ? it feels like he doesnt care anymore or is he using me ?? or cheating ?? adivce ? write my name next to it if soo . ~nicole~

  • MAKING DREAMS said:  

    This guy I've known since my oldest child was three and. my oldest child six and I have a one year old....anyways. I seem like I knew him my entire life he was the dude that replace my oldest son dad our relationship was past over but this dude was like my back up guy , only memories I ever have of us is having sex I mean that's all I wanted then but now its 2013 and the title "FRIENDS" OR WE COOL WEVJUST BE CHILLING ,OR I LIKE KICKN IT WITH U !! I'M TIRED OF THIS HOW MUCH LONGE R DO WE KICK IT. BEFORE YOU SEE IM INTO U OR NOW USE TO CARE .WASHINGMY HANDS IN THE BULLSHIT. NEVER KNEW SOMEBODY WHO STICK AROUND THAT LONG TO NOT SEE THAT SOMEBODY LIKES THEM...WTF? COMMENT WANT AN OPINION PLZ NO NEGATIVE!!!

  • Anonymous said:  

    I have this guy at my school flirting with me winking. Giving me hugs always smiling at me. But i can't tell if he seriously likes me cause he always joking around. I really like the guy..

  • Anonymous said:  

    its so true that actions speak louder than words, you know when you are being used, and manipulated by someone, and having doubts(reality checks) is a good warning sign too,ive been seeing a good looking, charming guy, ten years younger than me for the last 6 months, and i have always had that instinct he is using me but have tried to test him and fool myself into thinking something else, in the end you start caring about that person and will up hurt and humiliated or even worse broke because of them taking advantage of your love for them, its sad but true. im really glad i read the article as its made up my mind for me with my situation and i am going to end it with this user! it was fun while it lasted, need to get out before it gets at my self esteem !! lol they are not worth it!!

  • Anonymous said:  

    This girl from college stole my guy while having her own he cared enough to see the trash he went to and came back. He cares.

  • Anonymous said:  

    Im with someone who seems to really wanna be with me but the last time we broke up he was running back to his Ex everytime we had a little argument and now he just broke up with her and is wanting to be with me again. So I decided to give him another chance... but he freaks out if I'm around my babys dad or talks to any guys or if he calls I don't answer right away etc but its cool for him to do all these things. And I never say anything about it... whats up with this picture?? Also while he was with this ex he was still calling me wanting to work things out but when I asked him to prove it, Nothing. So we stopped talking about 2 weeks and here they are broke up and hes here ready and dedicated but I have no trust now since I became friends with the ex and everything ever said to both of us matched up completely. So how do I know if its real or a game this time around? I'm done with the bs

  • Anonymous said:  

    well I had the opposite happen to me. I was really interested in a guy who invited me to visit him and he lived across the world from me. I was willing to just have a fling with him. He personally invited me just to hang out and in the end, he turned down sleeping with me because he didn't want to just 'use me'. I was with him for three nights. At first I was kind of offended thinking he must not be attracted to me but after thinking about it more, I realize it's actually impressive that he wanted to simply spend time with me because he likes my company. There was no ulterior motive.

  • Brandi Lynm said:  

    You've been doing this fwb thing too long not to be able to tell him what you want flat out!. If he doesn't agree then eff him. There are men who will pay top dollar fare just to ride your fab train. Want and sleep with those men. The return is awesome

  • Brandi Lynm said:  

    Next time he is trying to hug all up on you....stop him dead in his tracks and let him know your kisses are for your bf only your not that kinda girl. If he plays into tell him you'd consider giving him the position. See if he bites. If not he's just a flirt and WILL move on to the next

  • Brandi Lynm said:  

    Until the next piece of trash comes along....girl dump him quick!

  • Brandi Lynm said:  

    Girl....if he's playing you two how do you know he's not playing three four or five of you. He's a controlling insecure player. Move on before you catch a disease or worst another kid

  • Anonymous said:  

    Im watching my daughter be used right now. this guy has nothing to bring to the table. He claims he wants to go to work but doesn't even look. My daughter tells me that I just don't know him and that he has been there for her. I bet he has. Free rent, groceries, cable, rides in her car. My daughter is a bright and caring girl who is being used. I know cares for this guy and it hurts to tell her what I am seeing. THE TRUTH. Its apparent to everyone but her. I have told her how I feel and even told her to put him to the test, unbeknownst to him. Cut everything off and see if he picks up the slack. my bets are all on NO!!!!!

  • ann said:  

    i have a situation just like this but mines a little different the guy has never had a real gf hes just hook up and stuff he doesn't really know how too he comes over almost every day and he spends the night two to 3 nights a week and then likes to go to home and sleep in his bed and see his mom and stuff he actually has started holding me when we sleep he use to not do that i know his friends bcuz i used to go out with one of them and thats why i cant hang with them but sometimes i feel like hes using but other times it feels like were together its a really complicated situtation i would really like some advice if anyone can give me some please email me at soccerchickann@aol.com

    thanks

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