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Dating after divorce

Thursday, 9 February 2012 Leave a Comment

Anyone who has been recently divorced knows, it can leave you feeling extremely low and questioning why things happened as they did. Could you have done more to avoid it? Were you not affectionate enough? How did the communication breakdown? And when did the love end – or has it?

The hardest part for many people to come to terms with, is the fact that they will no longer be spending the rest of their life with the person they had planned to grow old with. It can be even harder when you’ve brought up a family together, or gone through hardships that you thought would make the relationship stronger.

However, some things aren’t meant to last and one of the worst and traumatic experiences can be the long divorce settlement process that you have to endure. This can be extremely taxing on couples, families and even friends. But once the dust has settled, what do you do next?

Many people believe that a divorce means the end of their love life, especially if they’ve spent a large part of their adult life with one partner. A lack of confidence is often an issue for many people and the thought of getting back on the dating scene can be daunting.

If you don’t want to jump straight back into the dating game and start looking for a future partner, you don’t have to - nobody is forcing you. Take some time to come to terms with your current situation and plan for the future. One healthy way to focus the mind is to take up a hobby, or rekindle an old passion that you couldn’t do while you were married. For instance, if you wanted to start a new hobby like dancing, it could give you the opportunity to mix with new people, allowing you to grow in confidence and prepare you for dating again.

At some point friends and family members will encourage you to “get off the shelf” and in some instances they will set up blind dates for you. If this is the case, why not go? It could be worthwhile, if only to help build your confidence and assess how far you’ve come since your divorce. You could end up enjoying yourself more than you thought you would.

Alternatively, attending a speed dating night with a couple of friends can also be fun and enjoyable. The process isn’t what it used to be – and many people do go to these events. Often these sessions are a good opportunity to test the water and meet new people.

I’m not suggesting you should replace the love that you felt for someone, but it is about moving on with your life. It probably seems impossible to match the love you once had for your ex-spouse. However, it is important not to compare what could be something new, to what you had in the past.

It is best not to rush into the dating game once you have been divorced, but instead ride the crest of a wave and see where life leads you. Make the decisions that are best for you and your lifestyle – and who knows you could come across a new love.

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  • Thank, Q said:  

    I'm married almost 10 yrs and counting, but if I had to do it all over again, I'm not sure that I would. At my age, I think I'd just try and find someone who isn't interested in marriage and she can stay in her house and me in mine and do things that way.

  • Anonymous said:  

    Well hopefully it doesn't come to that, I think I'd miss the company though

  • Kyle Morrison said:  

    Why do we keep seeing articles about dating after divorce like that is the most important thing? While this article does mention looking after yourself first and not rushing to dating it is very light on.
    Before you can date again you need to come to grips with the divorce and be truly past it. This takes time and too many men rush off to find a new woman as their fragile mental state demands this so they can feel whole - even if it is a lie.

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