Fifty Shades of Boring
Wednesday, 15 August 2012 Leave a Comment
One guy in the world right now has women swooning. His name? Mr Grey. If you haven't heard of Fifty Shades of Grey before, then i will assume that you've spent the past couple of months hidden under a rock in the Sahara. Unless, of course, you're an astronaut and have spent the last year in space, doing space stuff like driving around the moon in a lunar buggy, in which case i forgive you.
Fifty Shades of Grey is a novel that started out as a Twilight fanfiction novel about Bella and Edward's racy BDSM sexploits. The author, E.L James then changed the names to Anastasia and Christian Grey and ever since the ebook has been spreading quicker than Anastasia's fictional legs.
So what could possibly be wrong with this erotic fiction?
To put it plainly, 50 Shades of Grey bored me. In the end, the books very selling point ended up putting me off reading the next one in the series. At first it was a thrilling read, I'd never read a book so sexually explicit, but the novelty soon wore off as i flitted from one bondage scene to another, with little more than dull dialogue to fill in the gaps. There was little chemistry between the characters, none of the flirtatious anticipation that comes with a new romance, just wham bam, thank you mam! It left me feeling cold. By the end of the book, I'd become numb to the lengthy descriptions of whippings and orgasms. It all got very 'samey'.
Another thing that really got on my wick was how the author referred to the male and female genitalia as 'his sex' or 'my sex'. For gods sake, it's so explicit already, there's absolutely no point in trying to sound all frilly Frannie when your describing anatomy. Just call it a god damn PENIS and VAGINA! Give me strength. And don't even get me started on the times she referred to him running his hand over her hump/bump?! WTF?
The fact is, i never warmed up to the characters, or the plot. I disliked Christian Grey and thought Anastasia was a weak character. It all left me feeling rather disappointed.
Now, there's just one thing that could save Fifty Shades of Grey for me. The film. As with all cash cows, they are making Fifty Shades of Grey into a movie. Usually, i prefer a good book to it's film conversion however, after hearing a certain optimistic rumour, i may actually want to see it. There's talk of Ryan 'Hey girl, you know you want me' Gosling playing Mr Grey. Now that wouldn't bore me at all. I have my doubts as to whether Gosling would even consider this role, but my fingers are firmly crossed just in case.
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