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Your Cell Phone Is Probably Ruining Your Marriage & Couples Therapy Isn't The Solution

Thursday, 1 November 2012 Leave a Comment

Put down the cell phone! Skip expensive couples therapy sessions and turn off your phones! The answer to your relationship worries may be right in front of you, literally. Electronic communication may be creating communication errors for you and your spouse. Learn how to spot it and stop it.

Troubled Water

Going through a common, temporary relationship rough patch? Or are there ongoing problems that don't seem to go away? Even after extensive communication and effort like couples therapy? If the two of you have grown apart, lost interest or have tarnished important relationship foundations like trust and respect, couples therapy may not be the answer.

One sign that your marriage may be crumbling is the lack of desire to spend the little free time you have with each other. The lack of or complete depletion of sexual intimacy without reason like illness or stress usually means there is trouble in paradise. If you're not genuinely happy, smiling and enjoying the company of one another its time asses what the problem could be. You may find that electronic communication could be lessening of the quality of your relationship.

Making an Impact
"Relationships are becoming increasingly technology-driven, which decreases the chances that individuals have to connect with one another on a personal level. A strong degree of intimacy is important for all relationships, particularly marriages. While the innovations of today's society have indeed improved the convenience, speed, and ease of communication, it is important that couples remember the value of intimacy and make time to support it," said pastor Ed Young in an article for Market Watch.

A topic of debate, communication technology forever changed relationships. Texting, email, and social media have made communication instant and have created a void in physical interpersonal communication. People do not see their online conversations for what they are, 'online conversations.' People place the expectations of in-person contact in their online relationships when the two are separate. Relationship issues and communication are frequent topics of discussion in Young's work.

Electronic communication is an easy way to avoid awkward conversations or potential fights. It may seem like a better route but prevents the development of important communication skills. Not discussing problems in person creates the possibility for misinterpretation of meanings and attitudes. Void is the idea of 'it's not what you say, it's how you say it'  and the usage of body language to better understand one another.

Kicking The Habit

If you think technology may be the source to your relationship issues set communication boundaries. Agree to only discuss certain topics in person, limit day long messaging through email and text and make the time to be physically present with one another. If you're texting all day at work, when you get home there isn't any "how was your day?" conversation. You already know about the long meeting, the new project and the annoying co-worker. Create some mystery and give each other the opportunity to discuss and hang-out face to face.

Heather Green Heather is a former teacher, but now operates as a stay-at-home mom and PTO president who writes for several parenting blogs and education websites. She has four children that attend the school where she used to teach.

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  • Drake Sigar said:  

    I think while it could be an issue limited to moving contact over the phone and e-mail, it might be more to do with how many available distractions there are. I-Pod, I-Phone, I-Eye, BlueRay, BlueTooth, movies, games, tv, books, porn, Facebook, Youtube, YouPorn, Blogger - there's so much shit, and my brain is telling me not to miss a single second. It's a wonder we can complete a coherent paragraph without getting sidetra- hang on, Red Dwarf is on.

  • Neurotic Workaholic said:  

    Very good advice. I've noticed that a lot of the guys I went out with prefer texting to calling; I always thought calling was more personal, which is why I preferred it. I admit, though, that a lot of women also prefer texting; I'm the exception, because I hate it.
    I once went on a date with a guy who spent a significant amount of time texting. I was like, "Should I leave you and your cell phone alone so you can spend some quality time together?" (I didn't say that, though. But I wanted to.)

  • Gomena said:  

    I somehow agree with this. Technology may make or break your relationship depending on how you use it. Spending a lot of time on your phone or using the phone in order to avoid your partner is really not the way to go.

  • Amanda said:  

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