Where Have All The Real Men Gone?Where Have All The Real Men Gone?

Where Have All The Real Men Gone?

This is a major bugbear for me. The modern age has unleashed a whole new breed of man. Gone are the days of chest hair and stubble, replaced with guy-liner and man bags. These so called Metrosexuals are roaming the streets looking “oh so chic,” with their designer haircuts and groin strangling skinny jeans. Don’t get me wrong, I love a man who knows how to dress well, but I’d rather date a slug than date someone who looks hotter than me. Think of all the bathroom time they take up just preening themselves and fake tanning their eyelids or whatever. Get a grip guys; I want a lumberjack not a ballerina. Grow some man hair you wimps.

At some point, all girls have dreamt of a knight in shining armour, someone strong and handsome to rescue her from the drab world we live in, but not once did that dream consist of a knight wearing a Gucci satchel and driving a Mini Cooper.

I feel the need to speak out to these girly guys and say STOP! No more fake tan, no more waxing your brows or trimming your nasal follicles and no more styling gel, you have enough on to tame a woolly mammoth, you fool.

Give me a rugged – “I can light a match on my stubble,” kind of guy, and I’m not talking about some low grade, couch potato that’s never heard of a razor. Think Gerard Butler. Pure sexual man beast, that isn’t afraid of working up a sweat.

So where have all the real men gone? Well ladies, it’s a severe case of The Stepford Husbands. Someone, somewhere is creating these boy band boneheads and they’d better stop before I hunt them down in my killer heels. No woman wants a boyfriend that spends more time looking in the mirror than at her. So I urge all you ladies out there, who still like you’re men, manly to stand up and say, “No! You can’t borrow my overnight moisturiser.”

For those of you who live under a rock and don’t know your Metros from your Hetros, these picture references should explain things…

Typical Metro – You just love yourself don’t you Ronaldo? Yes, you have a nice body, I get it, but stop dressing up like a peacock, it offends my eyes.

Where Have All The Real Men Gone

No, this isn’t the Phantom of the Opera – it’s your boyfriend stealing your facemask.

Where Have All The Real Men Gone

Oh my days! Thank goodness for the beard or else I wouldn’t be able to tell.

You must be cool because you’re wearing sunglasses, indoors, in the dark. You numpty.

Where Have All The Real Men Gone

That’s right always start with the chest, just leave your face looking like a whipped cream Santa beard, we don’t mind. The smooth chest is all peachy when it’s just been shaved but wait a week and running your hands along his chest, will feel like stroking a porcupine. Nice.

Where Have All The Real Men Gone?Where Have All The Real Men Gone?